The Daily Harbinger
As reported by The Huffington Post in 2013
[many of the links are no longer valid]
A truck driver has died after accidentally shooting off his own penis.
Geronimo Narciso had been drinking with friends in Pangasinan, in the Philippines, when he produced his gun and fired it twice into the air.
Mr. Narciso was tucking the gun into his waistband after his friends implored him to put it away, when it fired into his crotch, ABS.CBN News reported.
The 37-year-old was rushed to a nearby hospital, but he was declared dead on arrival. The penis, however, made a clean getaway upon being separated from the man and is believed to be using a forged ID.
Though police say there are no signs of foul play, Narciso's family insist he neither owned a gun nor a chicken with which to be fowl and have requested further investigation. Witnesses, on the other hand claim that it was the penis who owned the pistol but that the victim, Geronimo Narciso, had wrestled it away after having had a few drinks.
Chrislann Farbo, one of the men who witnessed the incident is reported as stating, “It was horrible. Once the gun went off and the penis was separated and falling to the ground, we could hear it yell, "Geronimooooooooo!" Some of the boys take this to mean the penis regrets the entire incident. We hope it doesn’t get in trouble over this.”
SEE ALSO: Man, 70, Has Fork Removed From Penis (Includes graphic)
According to Inquirer.net, Senior Inspector Ryan Manongdo said a pistol with four live ammunitions and several spent shells were found in the area.
Earlier this year a security guard in Trinidad and Tobago accidentally shot off his penis with an illegal gun. The Trinidad and Tobago Guardian reported the man survived the incident but was expected to be charged with illegal possession of a firearm and ammunition. Accidental penis shooting accidents were also reported in Florida, Arizona, and Washington in 2012 however, in the U.S., firearms cannot be considered illegal though possession of a penis is considered a criminal offense in some locations where penises are required to be disposed of when replaced by a firearm.
Authorities suspect that Florida penis shootings are not accidents.
Dr. Hubert Drone was not consulted for this article but insisted on stating, “The number of penis shootings by males is growing tremendously. This might be seen as an indication that men are becoming penophobic and expressing their fear of their own penises with violence. There is speculation within the mental health industry that this is highly likely Vladimir Putin's destiny. Despite claiming to be Russian, it is believed that Putin is in fact a Floridian. If I were counseling a man on this topic, I would say, ‘Don't be a penophobe. Learn to love your penis if you still have one’. After all, we are each connected in some way.”
The huffingtonpost.co.uk has printed a retraction. The title of the story is not "Truck Driver Dies After Accidentally Shooting Off Own Penis" but is "Truck Driver Dies After Violently Jerking His Penis Off" and the authorities are now uncertain as to whether the incident was an accident.
Each source for the originally wrongly reported story are now claiming they do not exist.
Stay tuned or lubed or stoned. Whatever gets you through the night.
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Updated Jun 25, 2014 8:23:56pm
