Memories of Jack Human

Memories of Jack Human

1.     Corn Friend

I was hanging out with my friend Corn Cobb. We were discussing my bro, Corn Pop. Corn Pop borrowed 3 bucks from me for some M&Ms but really used the bread for some twizzlers. I felt betrayed. 

Corn Cobb thought I should contact our mutual buddy, Corn Bread, who had an associate named Corn Muffin. It was at this time I told Corn Cobb that I felt I should just refer to he and his friends as “the corns”, however, Corn Cobb responded that he would be required by Corn law to pop my head off if I did so.

So Cobb called Bread who thought to contact Corn Stalk, Kernel Corn, Candy Corn and Corn Ear. Things might have gone well, however, none of us had considered an actual plan of action. Initially, we thought we should ask for the 3 dollars back, but then Kernel Corn insisted we take the twizzlers. I explained I don’t like twizzlers and Kernel said they would all happily trade me some Corn Whiskey for the twizzlers. This seemed reasonable to me so I agreed.

Candy Corn suggested we call her old friend Corn Syrup because Corn Syrup really liked twizzlers.

So we all went out front and waited for Corn Pop to arrive. We figured everything was going to be cool when Corn Pop appeared with his wife, Corn Meal, and their children, the Corn Flakes.

Corn Cobb asked Corn Pop for the twizzlers and Corn Pop replied, “fuck off, you cornfucker, this is between me and Corn E.” (Me). 

I said, “Pop it easy, Corn, Cobb is just trying to help. He’s got your cash. And soon I’m going to be hitting the bottle.”

Corn Pop said to Corn Cobb, “Sorry, Cobb. It’s been a tough day.”

So we made the exchange.

A memory by Jack Human

2.    Corn Sale

So I called my friend, Corn Beef. He said a guy named Ice Corn had a ride for sail. I said, “you mean, for SALE, Bro?” And he said no and why don’t I just shut the hell up and listen? Ice Corn was willing to trade his car for a real sail. He had a sail boat but he didn’t know the sail was supposed to be attached and it blew away.

I didn’t need no car but this chump, Corn Cube, did. Cube was a chump because whenever he wanted to take public transportation, he would pay for tokens instead of just scooting under the back of some stupid tourist’s wicked long rain coat and sneaking onto the train.

I brought Corn Beef over to meet with Corn Cube but Cube didn’t have no sail, though. He attempted to pass off a sheet as a sail but we all knew the difference because the sheet was a cheap 300 thread one and any fool knows sails are at least 800 threads.

Beef looked at me and said, “Hey, Corn E! You think Vanilla Corn will have a sail?” I said I don’t think so. Vanilla Corn didn’t like being on the water. All his vacations were in the dessert which explained his severe Hyperglycemia and general lack of funds due to daily vacations.

Corn Beef said I was useless as usual and that he was going to put an ad on Craig’s list. I suggested he be careful because I used the Internet once and someone tried to stalk me.

A memory by Jack Human

3.     Dollars for Dollars

I asked someone at work today (today is the day before tomorrow) if the vending machines take ten dollar bills. He said yes. That surprised me. I thought vending machines only accepted quarters.

I didn’t have ten $1.00 bills so I tried one $10.00 bill. I expected the machine to hurl it back in my face but it swallowed the bill despite the bill being defaced by the number 10.

I purchased a gluten free item. Later I discovered the item not only entirely lacked gluten but wasn’t even free. Anyway, the machine threw 8 coins at me. I yelled at the guy who told me to expect the machine to take ten dollars for lying about it and I whipped the coins at him.

Then I realized that tomorrow is the day after today.

A memory by Jack Human

Moins Misérable Poèmétrie

Moins Misérable Poèmétrie     <---  mutilated French

Elegy for Corn

Corn Pop was a friend of mine

We shared some fermented turpentine 

But before that, he was agonna kill me

my chain, it convinced him to befriend me

Oh Corn Pop

Oh Corn Pop

A thug who knifed many a lad

But he never knifed me

He was the best friend I ever had

The horse's shoes seek the shifting surface of the desert sands. In clouds of dry dust we ride.

Wingless Flicker

The albino snake fetus was shaking. His head, like his words, was jerking. A tenuous void sprouted from his mouth and ignited the fecal fumes discarded by his toilience. 

It could not rain. The sun began to flicker. Dolphins rotted.

Hope vomited but vowed to make a return.

Bedtime

Got to go to bed.

Maybe rest the head.

Try to sleep like the dead.

Dream in colors that aren’t red.

Stay There

everybody goes to hell

we're all going to hell

pack your bible and pack your beer

we're hightailin' it to hell 

and the devil will be there

Some people got no choice

others always have known

when we hit the flames, 

we’re all on our own

Say Goodbye

The year will never end.

Like every year previous,

it will linger upon our existence.

Following each of us.

Stalking us. Ensuring we break.

Harvesting our energies.

Harvesting what remains of our souls.

Eventually, each and every year

Will continue beyond us

Not recognizing we ever inhaled,

Exhaled, digested, or cried

Until we are no more

And the years still will never end

So, happy new year!

Moon Itch

I'm climbing upon the underside of the moon.

All spidery legs and itchy too.

I am a circus without a tent,

a gambler without a working pair of dice.

Whosoever itches themselves itches me too.

Phone Betrayal

I await a phone call.

The sky outside is gray.

I hear autos pass by on the street.

A set of brakes slightly squeals 

as though happy to slow down. 

I await the phone that never calls.

Tobacco Load

She’s got brown fingertips

And 3rd degree burns on her lips

She’s got ash tray breath

I’d kiss her more often but

I fear catching her death

She smokes like a chimney

putting the atom bomb to shame

But it’s not her fault

It’s nicotine to blame

sky purges itself

Grandma won’t open the door

Raindrops sting like darts

 

loud Seagulls cry out

Fish fry in oily sizzles

Coca-cola pops

Evening Blessed

It is dark outside

the sky has shut its eye

warming us gently

beneath its lid.

The Sound of Nature

This is the sound of nature

beating your soul to a pulp.

I apologize. I am mistaken.

This is the sound of humanity

beating your soul to a pulp.

Nature blithely lurks watching.

Whether in horror or agreement,

nature does nothing to indicate.

Nature makes no effort to prevent

your soul from becoming pulp.

Once done. When you are gone,

when you are just a stain of pulp,

Nature may have a taste, a gulp,

Or not

in a bar

in a bar,

just want to lift my glass, be left alone,

crawl inside the television set,

pull the screen up around my neck,

tuck myself in, and

be gone

[ Meanwhile, in another location entirely ]

I am your deity

said the pony to the snowman

it's time to get deliberate

and you are out of focus

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