Corn Friend
I was hanging out with my friend Corn Cobb. We were discussing my bro, Corn Pop. Corn Pop borrowed 3 bucks from me for some M&Ms but really used the bread for some twizzlers. I felt betrayed.
Corn Cobb thought I should contact our mutual buddy, Corn Bread, who had an associate named Corn Muffin. It was at this time I told Corn Cobb that I felt I should just refer to he and his friends as “the corns”, however, Corn Cobb responded that he would be required by Corn law to pop my head off if I did so.
So Cobb called Bread who thought to contact Corn Stalk, Kernel Corn, Candy Corn and Corn Ear. Things might have gone well, however, none of us had considered an actual plan of action. Initially, we thought we should ask for the 3 dollars back, but then Kernel Corn insisted we take the twizzlers. I explained I don’t like twizzlers and Kernel said they would all happily trade me some Corn Whiskey for the twizzlers. This seemed reasonable to me so I agreed.
Candy Corn suggested we call her old friend Corn Syrup because Corn Syrup really liked twizzlers.
So we all went out front and waited for Corn Pop to arrive. We figured everything was going to be cool when Corn Pop appeared with his wife, Corn Meal, and their children, the Corn Flakes.
Corn Cobb asked Corn Pop for the twizzlers and Corn Pop replied, “fuck off, you cornfucker, this is between me and Corn E.” (Me).
I said, “Pop it easy, Corn, Cobb is just trying to help. He’s got your cash. And soon I’m going to be hitting the bottle.”
Corn Pop said to Corn Cobb, “Sorry, Cobb. It’s been a tough day.”
So we made the exchange.
A memory by Jack Human
